My stomach hurts every day now. I am so tired of being financially stressed, tired of it to the point where I want to run screaming and tearing my hair out, only that won't fix anything. I am sick of begging relatives for loans. I am sick of worrying each time I buy food for my family that I'll get overdrawn - again - at the bank. M may or may not have a job interview in the next week - please, if you read this, keep you fingers crossed for us. I know it's not entirely his fault he doesn't have a job right now as there are very few jobs around here, but I am exhausted emotionally from being the only one earning any money, especially when they just cut everyone's hours at work. I do think he could try harder to find a job, even something temporary, just to get us through this. He is the one that really wanted to move here, away from a busier, more affluent community where we could both work and my mom could help out with childcare when our schedules overlapped. We don't have that here. I don't trust people I don't know with my kids, so we have to work opposing shifts if he ever gets a job.
I am so worn out....
On another un-cheerful note (if you've read this far I'm sorry for my dismal point-of-view today), I've been wondering lately about the overall importance of environmentally-related decisions I make... just the little day-to-day stuff. You know, like buying recycled (preferably 80% post-consumer waste) toilet paper. Eating vegetarian , unlike the rest of my family (which means making two main dishes some days), recycling everything I can, using animal-and-planet friendly products... it all costs more. Sometimes I wish I didn't care, that I could be one of those people who just buys whatever there is, whatever is the cheapest, like that gross ground beef sold in big tubes. Then I think about the other side - yes, it costs more and it takes more effort, but I am doing something positive. I think my kids are healthier than many. I get a little boost even from remembering my canvas bags when I go to the grocery store.
Why does it take more money and effort to do the right thing for the world we live in?
also check out tinyshowcase.com and thesmallobject.blogspot.com, just for inspiration re: possibility of online art sales. it seems like it might be a good avenue for you, being somewhat physically isolated but having such a great creative talent. i'm guessing it would take awhile to get connections and regulars, build a little reputation, and wouldnt make you rich for sure, but might be a good way to bring in a little money and keep yourself pruducing creatively. just a thought, anyway.
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